ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
