Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
