I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
