Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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