I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
