I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
