I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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