So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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