There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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