Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
