I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
