My nipple is on Facebook.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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