I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
