Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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