you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize