i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
