When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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