Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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