so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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