Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
