Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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