i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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