I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
