How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
