apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
jump out the window naked night went bad
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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