I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
