Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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