There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize