bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
