guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
