I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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