I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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