Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
