Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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