i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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