I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
