true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize