Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
