There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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