oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize