so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
