I can text with my tongue
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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