He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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