my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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