Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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