everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
