Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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