Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
