I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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