I'm laying in your front yard are you home
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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