The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
