The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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