why didn't you poke me back
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
