Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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