u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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