I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
