You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
