What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
