Can i not drive my cunt home
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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