you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
