She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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