I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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